On Graduation and Launching May 19, 2008

The time of year is here……graduation.  For many parents, this brings about a myriad of emotions, happiness, joy, pride, relief and sadness.  It is a bittersweet time when many teens make the transition to “adult” and move out and away from home.  Some parents will find themselves with an empty nest and others will still have younger children at home to guide towards their own commencement.  Either way, here are a few tips for parents to survive the upcoming months:

• Enjoy the rollercoaster.  This is a hallmark of life for both you and your child.  Some days will be easier than others, yet try to take one day at a time.  You have made it through 18 years thus far and will continue to move forward as you always have. 
• Talk to friends and family members about your feelings.  There are many other parents who are going through similar feelings or have been there a few years ago.  These individuals can be a wealth of information and wisdom.
• Take care of yourself.  Do what you need to do to reduce stress on a regular basis. 
• Continue to cultivate your own hobbies and interests.
• Be involved in your child’s college or career decisions.
• Take pride in knowing that you have prepared your child for the future.

Happy Graduation!

Goal Setting with Your Children May 14, 2008

It is never too early to start teaching your children how to set goals.  Goals give us something to work towards, they provide a destination and we have the opportunity to develop the map to get there.  Setting both short and long term goals helps us feel like we are accomplishing dreams and we learn important information about our ability to be persistent and determined in order to reach our intended goal.  Children who know how to set and achieve goals become adults that are successful, responsible and who take action, as opposed to letting life happen to them.

To help your children set goals, start with short-term goals and move on to long-term goals.  Examples of goals:

• learning to tie shoes
• learning to ride a bike
• learning to play a sport
• learning a dance
• learning to play an instrument
• saving a certain amount of money
• writing a story
• painting a picture
• learning to drive

Some of these may seem like ordinary life lessons that a child or adolescent will learn through trial and error.  That may be true, but teach your children to set the goal anyway.  Help them to see that if they set their minds to something, they can achieve it. 

Write the goals down with your child.  Help them fill in the blank:

I will learn to________ by __________.  In order to achieve this, these are the steps I will need to take:

 

Doing this exercise can be a wonderful quality activity for parents and children.  Go ahead and share some of your own goals with your children and discuss what you have done to make them become a reality!

Try and sit down with your children once per month to assess where certain goals are at and to set new ones.  Always give recognition and validation for goals that have been achieved by your child.  Doing so will instill a “I can!” attitude with your child, which is priceless.  Happy goal setting!

 

How to Have a Safe and Fun Summer with your Teen May 10, 2008

·                    Before summer begins, remind your children about safety in talking to strangers and adults that are not well known to them.  “Stranger Danger” should be discussed throughout childhood AND adolescence.  The facts:  1 in 5 girls will be molested before their 18th birthday, 1 in 6 boys.  90% of all sexual assaults are perpetrated by someone the victim knows.  Discuss safety issues with your adolescent througout the year so they know how to protect themselves in any situation!

·                    KNOW THE WHO, WHAT AND WHERE your adolescent has been on the internet!  There are many programs you can buy that track virtually everything your adolescent does online.  Especially if they are at home alone for some periods during the day, it is better to be safe than sorry.  You are not intruding on their privacy…you are keeping them safe.  Keep in mind that 1 in 5 adolescents have been sexually propositioned on the internet.  Discuss internet limits and boundaries with your teen before summer begins, so you both start off on the same page.

·                    Often, adolescents will eat when they are bored, especially in the summertime.  Keep healthy food choices at home, so your adolescent is less inclined to graze on junk food. 

·                    Discuss ground rules at the beginning of the summer regarding what is appropriate for activities and what is expected of your adolescent.  If they know ahead of time what the limits, boundaries and expectations are, there is typically less opportunity for problems as the summer goes on.  It may be beneficial to have family meetings throughout the summer to stay in touch and discuss any issues that come up.  Family meetings are not a time for discipline or punishment.  They should be viewed as an open forum for everyone to discuss and be heard.  Often during the summer, they can be a great way to connect with the family and “check in.”  Many families often do activities as a family after meetings to spend family time and keep in contact.

·                    Know who your adolescent’s friends are!  If you do not like someone whom they are hanging out with, get to know them.  If you still don’t approve, tell your adolescent and be up front about your concerns.  As a parent, you CAN forbid your adolescent from hanging out with someone you don’t approve of.  Yes, it may cause an argument and be uncomfortable, but trust your gut instinct…..it could stave off many problems in the future.

·                    If you have a concern that your adolescent may be using alcohol, drugs or cigarettes, ask them.  Be up front and let them know your concerns.  If they are not open and honest with you, they will know that you are “on” to them and most often sooner rather than later, you will find out the answer.  Again, discuss rules and boundaries with your adolescent before summer starts.  Let them know what the consequences will be for serious problems.

·                    Be very specific about what kind, style and type of clothing you approve of for your adolescent.  As a parent, you DO have the right to throw something away that you disapprove of, even if you didn’t buy it! 

·                    Have a rule that your adolescent checks in with you whenever the change locations when they are out with their friends.  This way, you will know where they are at, who they are with and have more peace of mind.