The other night I went to the grocery store after work. As I was contemplating vegetables in the frozen food aisle, a cart was coming towards me as a young father in his early twenties pushed a boy, about the age of three. The toddler was crying, saying “no” over and over and occasionally tried to hit the father a few times. The young man ignored the behavior and went on his business of picking pizzas from the freezer.
Mom, who apparently was in another aisle, walked up to the cart and said to the toddler, “What the f*#k are you doing?” Then, as her voice got louder, “Why are you acting like this?”
Did she really have to ask that question? Now, kids acting up in a store is every parent’s worst nightmare. You believe that all of the other parents are thinking “Wow…she really doesn’t have a hold on her kid” or “That child is a brat.” When, in reality, EVERY parent that has been to the grocery store with their child has experienced a meltdown, whining and carrying-on at some point in time. The reality is, most parents don’t think anything at all….except maybe, “Thank goodness I left little Johnny at home today! That poor mom!” Other parents understand that kids act up. It is a fact of life.
Swearing at children does not teach them to listen. It teaches them that anger begets anger and they can’t trust a parent to meet their needs without the parent getting angry with them. The young father in this scenario did the best thing he could do…ignore the behavior. Remember that children learn what they live. Thus, as mom drops the f-bomb, what is she teaching her three year old? Obviously, that when we are angry we lash out….thus the toddler that is trying to take a swing at Dad.
So, what DO you do when your kids are acting up in the store?
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Give them a clear and direct message that the behavior will not be tolerated and that there will be a consequence. i.e. “Johnny, if you don’t stop whining and crying, you will not watch your favorite DVD in the car on the way home.”
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Make sure the consequences you state are ones you can FOLLOW THROUGH with – no matter how small the consequence is, you must be able to follow through.
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If your child does not stop the undesirable behavior, leave the store. I know it is hard to schedule life and have to go back, but it will teach your children a firm message quickly.
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If you are with another adult and are becoming frustrated with your child, walk to another aisle to cool down. Try not to respond with swear words or physical aggression….in doing so, you are teaching your child that those behaviors are acceptable.
If acting up in the grocery store starts to become a regular occurence that you can’t seem to curb, try going after the kids are in bed. Not only will you not have to deal with whining or crying, but stores become pretty quiet after 8:00 pm, which just may give you some needed alone time.
